Comedian Johnny Vegas is to hold a star stuffed gala in his hometown of St Helens in celebration of and in tribute to the recent Coronavirus outbreak. The event is to be shown live on ITV and the networks top entertainer Philip Schofield is said to have been drafted in to hand out awards to the most infected and to those that have helped to spread the virus the most. Johnny Vegas has already contracted the dreaded infection and has just about got over it and is reportedly ready to sneeze his way through a top evening rattling off through at least 60 minutes of Coronavirus based stand up material that he wrote in a notebook bought in a WH Smith in Euston Station, London before undertaking a train journey back up north where at the time unbeknownst to Vegas he spread the virus to at least 100 fellow travellers.
Johnny Vegas - "I remember it was as I stood in line waiting for a Costa hot chocolate on the train that I involuntarily sneezed into the neck sweater of a commuter that I realised something wasn't right, I'd had an acid trip the previous night but that was more like a fun version of the flu, this (what later I realised was the Coronavirus) was to me like I was experiencing a bad batch of ketamine, that's horse tranquiliser for the uninitiated".
It is also rumoured that a mystery celebrity will turn up having contracted the virus and will go on to spread it live to one lucky winner by coughing into their hand.
Tissue manufacturers Andrex are said to be sponsoring the event. Audience members are advised to be prepared to contract Coronavirus during the show, but presenter Philip Schofield has demanded to be allowed to wear a facial mask to avoid spreading Covid 19 to the This Morning sofa.
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| The This Morning Sofa - Will it become the only location in the UK free of the contagious bug? |
Meanwhile there are also plans to twin the Chinese city of Wuhan with the Wirral's Arrowe Park Hospital which held the first travellers returning from the Chinese city to the UK in quarantine.
the chinese city of Wuhan with the Wirral's Arrowe Park Hospital.
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| Audience members will be banned from washing their hands at the ITV event and security guards will bin any hand sanitizer that is brought in! |
Gala attendees will be given special cough packs and spreading training and anything that could curb the dangerous virus such as hand sanitizer will be banned at the event and all audience guests will also be encouraged to have refrained from washing their hands for at least 24 hours beforehand to be in max celebration of the evening that will aim not only to glamourise Co-Vid 19 but also help in the worldwide spread of the Coronavirus pandemic.
There is a slight possibility that this article might be a spoof, decide for yourself.
