The UnRadio Times - Christmas Day 2019.

The UNRadio Times

Christmas 2019 Edition

Greta Thunberg teams up with us this year for an environmentally aware fun packed christmas viewing!

The “GT” symbol denotes any programmes on our festive schedule which have got the Greta Thunberg thumbs up of approval. With partaking set top recording boxes, you can set a Greta Thunberg seal of approval to automatically record all the highlights from our schedule that Greta herself would want you to watch

TVC1

CHRISTMAS DAY

6.00am News still happens on Christmas Day

As important news still happens on Christmas Day, 3 hours of the latest international events, climate change weather and for the first time on TVC News the December Pollen report with Chris Packham.

9.00 NEW Kellogg's breakfast super heroes!

Advertainment animation special in which the story bares a slight resemblance to the funding advertiser of the production.

The ready brek gang square up to the Coco Pops squad as they attempt to outdo each other to make the sweetest cereal.

9.30 New Series The New Ice Rage

The Channel 4 block of ice that took part in the climate change debate instead of PM Boris Johnson has now been turned into an animated character by grafitti artist Banksy and it takes to the road and challenges global leaders about what they are doing to save the world.  GT

10.00 It's Christmas in.. Prison

Prison inmates recall some of the best christmasses they have spent inside. An ex con reveals the story of one particularly jubliant festive season he spent inside HMP Liverpool known locally as “walton jail” when he managed to get a supply of both Heroin and Cocaine in the same batch of contraband.

TO FIND MORE INFORMATION ON HOW TO BE SENTENCED TO A CUSTODIAL PRISON SENTENCE,  PLEASE SEE THE CPS INFORMATION SITE

www.howtobecomeacriminal.org.uk

10.45 The Queen's Answerphone Message.

HM Queen Elizabeth II gives a speech especially for Jeremy Corbyn, the former leader of the Labour Party who said he thought her traditional speech was in the morning and the not the afternoon.

11.00 God - The Soundtrack Highlights.

Highlights of the new Christian musical that has opened in the West End and in many of the nations churches in the last week, Elton Joh sings "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" and Justin Bieber sings "Silent Night".

God - The Soundtrack, is released on DVD & Blu-Ray now, God - The Soundtrack - The Soundtrack is released on CD and on some USB flash drive by the fruit machine in the pub after you've bought a bloke a drink.

12.00pm John Bishop’s Christmas Service – Being from Liverpool mate!

John Bishop the Liverpool comedian takes us on a tour of his home city so he can reveal to us the origins of why he’s so scouse, then the entertainer conducts a service of Christmas nursery rhymes live from the Liverpool Anglican cathedral in as thick a scouse accent as he can possibly do.

1.00 Misleading Madness, The best fact checks of the year.

Facebook - do believe everything you read,
but only once it's been fact checked say experts!

A humorous compilation of the most misleading news that was shared the most times by the most hapless of social media disseminators, including the fake news story that President Obama had desecrated an Israeli synagogue, that US president Donald Trump had started to believe in climate change and that former Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn had been on an adult adventure play date with former Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams in a playground on the edge of the suburbs of Belfast. GT

2.00 Stormzy's Old Geezer Challenge - Not Top Of The Pops!

81 year old Alan who lives in a retirement home in Reading is challenged by UK Grime rapper Stormzy to book the chart music acts of the year and put them on to a relevant young audience, some of your favourite chart hits of the year might or might not be here.

3.00 Sorry it's me Prince Charles instead, here's a speech I quickly wrote.

The HRH Prince Charles, the Prince of Wales stands in in place of HM Queen Elizabeth II as her majesty has reportedly been struck by a rare form of diahrroea.

3.10 FILM PREMIERE: Lord Farquad's Proposition (2016)

A spin off from Shrek that didn't perform very well at the box office gets its network premiere. Lord Farquad, once enemy of Shrek sets up an antique dealing business with the ogre, they open up a chain of shops across the land and by the end of year 1 start to make some profit in their annual turnover.

4.15 Do they finally know it's Christmas?

Bono from U2 actually visits a famine ravaged country of Africa to determine if the poverty he sang against the 80s has actually been eradicated, if it hasn't he says he plans to give the community in one village a chest full of Mars bars and to put up a climbing frame.

5.15 The best breaking news of the year

A new war at the edge of the Middle East & Russia, an outbreak of a particularly virulent virus epidemic and Cliff Richard deciding to release a new album in celebration of Brexit are amongst some of the highlights that the TVC news team have been able to bring to you this year. Followed by The Best Worst Weather Of The Year.

6.00  Coronation Street

Gail buys everyone in the Platt family tickets to see Enya live in the Manchester MEN arena, meanwhile Norris returns to the street and makes his romantic intentions towards the much younger Emma known, Gary Windass decides against continuing to be a loan shark and volunteers to dress up as Father Christmas for the disadvantaged children of Weatherfield.  Rita goes to Las Vegas and bets all her life savings on one spin.

7.00 Lovejoy takes on Climate Change.

Lovejoy, who was once portrayed as an antiques dealer in rural Cornwall in a sleepy drama series, now plans to use his collection of antiquities to battle climate change, first targetting branches of Ikea and B&Q who are in his view selling unnecessary new products for home repair jobs when old antiques would be much more environmentally friendly. GT

7.30 NEW People Go Prancing – The Celebrifools special!

Newsreader Huw Edwards and film hardman Vinnie Jones are the unlikely dancers on the entertainment show that flips the “Strictly” format on its head and aims to find the participant who throws the most awkward shapes on the dancefloor, or as it is known on this programme, the dance carpet.

Some celebrities were so bad at dancing that the programme makers were able to put together a special DVD “People Go Prancing – The Celebrifalls”

To pre order, please visit the website of anywhere that sells it.

8.00 Bestenders

With the continuation of the UK writers strike into the festive season, Eastenders' celebrity fans prevent their favourite violent and miserable endings of christmasses past from the horrible drama. In a study conducted by TV Quick magazine, fans of Eastenders were typically subscribed more Prozac by their doctors than fans of other soap dramas such as Coronation Street or Sesame Street.

8.30 University, Challenge?

An 18 year old from Southend, Essex who finished his A Levels with spectacular results finds he cannot afford the prospect of going to university and so has started

9.00 Who is the most Woke?

Lilly Allen is amongst the studio guests
who don't know if the next generation
even knows what to say anymore!

Lilly Allen, David Mitchell and Justin Lee Collins are amongst the celebrity volunteers of the challenge to determine who is the most woke. The tasks include watching several Donald Trump speeches in a row to pick out the most facts from the fiction and working out the right language to use for the millennial and hormonal young male night club goer on a quest to hopefully meet a sex partaking female of his choice without ending up in the wrong side of a police station. GT

10.00 Park - Is it still christmas everyday?

A revisit to the story of a man from Wiltshire who has been celebrating Christmas every single day in his one bedrom flat for the past two decades. Radio 1's Professor Green discovers that he's now moved on to doing the New Year instead much to the annoyance of all his neighbours, who cite fireworks, thrown bottles of wine and the continued playback of a Wet Wet Wet Greatest Hits CD as reasons they got the local council environmental health department involved.

Do your neighbours play Slade all day, children screaming when they don’t get the presents they want?
Festive Neighbours from Hell is looking for the worst neighbours of the season, if that is you, contact TVC1.

11.00 Greta Thunberg's world catastrophe pub quiz.

Greta the 16 year old young climate change campaigner challenges a group of Brexit and conservative voting old men who frequent the pub The Bull And Smash pub in Sunderland town centre to answer a series of quiz questions about the dangerous state of the world., who will win the challenge of knowing the least about anything? GT

12.00am Misconception Shredders – The Tony Blair Weapons of Mass Destruction Special.

NEW SERIES

The programme has been renamed from "Mythbusters" due to a legal claim by the makers of Discovery’s “Mythbusters”, TVC claimed not to have ever heard of  it, but recordings of the programme were found by the police in the office.

The team investigate the claims made by the Tony Blair New Labour government during the noughties that a missile fired from Iraq could potentially reach London in around 45 minutes. After procuring a missile that Saudi Arabia wasn't using at the moment and setting up camp in some former Islamic State liberated territory the team will attempt to really fire a missile at our capital city. If the claims were false which they have largely proven to be, we have nothing to worry about.

12.45 If all is OK in London?

We will proceed with a late weather forecast, and go over to the news channel, Merry Christmas!