How do you know when you're unemployed?

How do you know when you're unemployed. Here's a handy guide!

Have you ever woken up in the morning and had nowhere to go, nothing to do and no money to do it and have come to the realisation that you must be "unemployed"

You know you're unemployed when.. You wake up to The Wright Stuff or The Jeremy Kyle Show instead of your alarm clock.


You know you're unemployed when.. You are always there to greet the postman at the front door and take the letters out of his hand, he must have twigged that you're unemployed by now. In fact you're so familar with him that you're on first name terms and you even know his star sign. And a lot of the letters he brings you have a funky red colour scheme.

You Know You're Unemployed When.. The Afternoon becomes the new morning


You know you're unemployed when.. You keep getting funny letters in brown envelopes from this funny organisation that likes to call itself the DWP.


You know you're unemployed when.. People keep asking you what you've been doing to look for work and threatening to take your money off you when you tell them you can't be bothered.


You know you're unemployed when.. You easily build up a post count of at least several thousand on a series of online forums. You become a Digital Spy legend that's done more posts than the postman has done since starting his career.


You know you're unemployed when.. You don't need to Sky+ your favourite daytime shows anymore as you can watch them live.


You know you're unemployed when.. You've forgotten which day it is (again)


You know you're unemployed when.. You're worried that Theresa May is in power and she might make you sweep the streets for your benefit.



You know you're unemployed when.. You can't go abroad for more than 2 weeks anymore because the Job Centre will wonder where you are and might go all broody and "miss" you.


You know you're unemployed when.. Your boss has said to you that "you're fired" and you've lost your tribunal claiming unfair dismissal


You know you're unemployed when.. Philip Schofield is the presenter you most see on TV, him and Jeremy Kyle, and even if you sleep in you can always catch him in the afternoon on ITV2


You know you're unemployed when.. In December you notice you stay up nearly until it gets light and get up when it's getting dark


You know you're unemployed when.. You can't relate to most weekday radio because you're not getting through your workday.


You know you're unemployed when.. When you come to the realisation that finding the lost city of Atlantis would be significantly easier than finding another job.


You know you're unemployed when.. During the daytime browsing Facebook has become both a default and compelling action.


You know you're unemployed when.. You combine lunch with breakfast, but you're not doing brunch.


You know you're unemployed when.. You forget that it's even the weekend and you're no longer depressed on Sunday nights.


You know you're unemployed when.. When you are always there to cheer on whoever is the latest Deal Or No Deal contestant and spend the time watching the programme fantasising about what you'd do with the money if only you could get on the show.


You know you're unemployed when.. You used to write stories for The News Of The World


You know you're unemployed when.. You've just lost your job!


You know you're unemployed when.. TV cameras arrive on your doorstep followed shortly afterwards by Channel 4's Hayley Taylor who gives you a stern talking down to about how gormless she thinks you are.


You know you're unemployed when.. A4E, ATOS & Maximus become your mortal enemies.

You know you're unemployed when..  You do find a job but don't get paid for it because it's "voluntary" apparently, but it might "lead" to something apparently such as continuing to have absolutely no spending power.

US variation

When Good Morning America might as well be Good Night America

When you don't need a DVR anymore because you've watched all your favourite shows.

When you start to become familiar with soap characters and storylines

When you call into McDonalds so much that they've actually reserved you a seat.

When everyday feels like Groundhog Day, only you haven't got as much money as Bill Murray.